When you’ve decided to make freelance writing your business, you have to accept that rejection will be a part of the package. However there are those opportunities that you KNOW are PERFECT for you in every way. It’s like you were born for this. Yet still, here you are with another rejection email clogging up your inbox. It feels like a kick to the gut. Literally.

Psychologists have done research into social rejection and exclusion and they say that that kicked in the gut feeling is real. Your brain reads rejection in a similar way that it reads physical injury. Being rejected can have a serious impact on your emotions, your ability to think, and even your physical health. That’s why it’s important to prepare yourself for the inevitable.

So if you’re a freelance writer, or doing anything in business that requires putting yourself “out there,” willingly opening yourself up to rejection, understand that you’re not alone. Here are some tips to help get you through.

1. Have more than one iron in the fire.

Sometimes we get so caught up in one opportunity that we lose sight of the fact that it’s our responsibility to create more opportunities. Marketing is not some gross business activity. It’s literally the life blood of your business. Every business owner should have a daily marketing goal. For me, it’s connecting with 5 to 10 potential customers via phone, email, or Linkedin. What is your daily marketing goal? Working a full time job has conditioned us to look for that one big break that we believe will change our lives. We say, “Oh, if I get THIS client, I won’t have to work so hard.” That’s simply not true. When you make the decision to be a business owner, successfully obtaining one client is one small step that leads you to your next best client.

2. Re-evaluate the rejection.

I fully understand that part of the reality of being a freelance writer is that my ideas get rejected daily. In time, I have learned that rather than write the rejections off as “hate,” I learned to take the time to ask myself what about my idea is being rejected. Did I submit my idea to the appropriate outlet, or will my idea get a better reception elsewhere? Is now the right time for my idea, or should I hold on to it for later? Was my idea any good, or do I need to go back to the drawing board and develop my idea further? Was my idea packaged properly, or did I make an amateur mistake that could have avoided had I taken the time to do a little more research? Being successful in business means asking yourself the hard questions about your own role in your failure.

3. Take care of your mental and physical health.

I remember there was one year (yes, an entire year) where every proposal I submitted seemed to get rejected. While many of them went ignored altogether, I got a few crass emails that made me rethink my whole career as a writer. That’s when the mind chatter started to kick in.

“Maybe mom was right. Maybe I‘m not good enough to be a freelance writer. Maybe I should shift my focus to filling out these job applications and get comfortable with living out the rest of my life in a cubicle.”

Scary, I know.

The truth of the matter was that I was falling into a depression. I was burning the candle at both ends being a caretaker to a family member who had just undergone a kidney transplant while also trying to figure out how to sustain a business. The pressure was wearing my body down to a point where my adrenal glands gave out. Living in my brain was like someone had pressed the fast forward button, making it impossible to rest. My heart and lungs felt like an elephant was sitting on it. If I moved too much, even while sitting, I lost my breath. My nights were spent tossing and turning in bed, taking spoonfuls of grape flavored sleep aid that made me drowsy, but not enough to fall asleep. Eventually I gave up on sleep altogether and decided to pop open my laptop and give sending yet another email to a prospective client a try. I was a mess.

What I learned from that experience was that it is possible to push yourself too much. There will be periods in your life when your higher power is begging you to sit down and rest. I was too full of pride to admit that perhaps I was being rejected because my proposals really weren’t that good. It’s hard to create your best work when you’re sick. But instead of paying attention to the signals that said, “GET HELP!” I allowed my shame and embarrassment of one rejection after another kick my bullheadedness into full gear until I almost landed myself in the hospital.

Rejection Is Not About You

Remember that rejection doesn’t mean that you, THE PERSON, is being rejected. Take your rejection as a sign of progress. Brene Brown references how to handle critics in a brilliant keynote speech for a 99U conference. She says,

“It’s not about winning or losing, it’s about showing up and being seen.”

Making the decision to be a business owner pulls you out of your pettiness and calls you to show up. Every day; even when it feels like you’re losing. Creative entrepreneurship is a journey that is oftentimes lonely and thankless. Continue to bear the pain of rejection and I promise you’ll be surprised at the person you’ve become because of it. I hope you decide to stay the course.

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